One of the things that you expect to flush right is your bathroom commode—herein referred to as commode. Or at least we wanted ours to flush properly.
To complete our remodeling we bought two new decorator commodes for decoration as much as for function. They were streamlined, ultra-quiet, modern-looking, short-time flushers, and conservative on water—using only about a small glass and a half per flush. We couldn’t wait for our first house guests to visit so we could show our “everything-we-could-ever-want-in-a-commode” commode.
These commodes should have come equipped with suction-plungers, better known as a plumber’s friend. We discovered we needed one for each commode, and sometime for each flush. Even though our new commodes had a tough assignment, they should have been better performers of their simple duty.
After five over-plunging months of hit-and-miss flushing, my face got flushed because I was fed up. On the phone I was trying to be nice when I talked with the manager of the Home Depot. He was very cordial and said that someone would come to our house the following day, and “would make it right.”
In case I was not home when the commode man came, I told Rosalie I had arranged for him to come. I said, “He’ll call before he comes. Just make sure you do a little something in each commode so he will see how poorly they flush.”
Rosalie asked, “What do you want me to do in the commodes?” I said . . . “You know!”
“Now let me get this straight. When I know the man is on his way, you want me to do something in each commode and save it for him to work with?”
“Well, if you don’t want to do that, tell him that you will excuse yourself from the room so he can do something in the commode.”
By then she had a horrified look on her face.
I said, “At least pull off several strips of toilet paper and wad them up in tight balls and that will give him something to flush.” I stretched out my arms about three feet apart and said “Give him a half-dozen about this long. Wad them up in real tight balls and throw them in while he is standing there.”
She said, “Danny, are you crazy? I am not about to do that! Let me put it this way: You called him. You be here when he comes. You pick any of those three ways to give him something to work with. You count me out of this deal. As far as I am concerned, when the commode man comes he’ll be on his own, whether he’s standing or sitting!”
Seeing the fire in her eyes I said, “Rosalie, dear, I think I get your drift!” I want our commodes to flush, I really do! But I don’t ever want to see Rosalie’s face flushed like I saw it that day!
