PONCHO, THE PUPPY

(A true story of “Puppy Potty-training” in five days.)

By Ruby Peterson

(as told to Danny E. Morris)

My husband, Rudy, said he was out of it when it came to potty training a puppy, and that I must take charge.

I called in the children, Mary Louise and David, and laid out the potty training rules for the pup, and for every family member, which would include Rudy when he returned home.  I said, “For sure, the puppy must be kept only in the kitchen, so if it poops or peeps, it will do it on the linoleum.”

I told them that if the puppy pooped or peeped in the kitchen, the nearest person must do three things, immediately:  First, hold the pooping or peeping puppy’s nose close to the poop or the peep so the puppy can smell it.  The children said that was yukky!  (They couldn’t control their laughter.)

The third thing is to tell the puppy what the X means by saying, “You get a bad report.  No, no, no.” Say that in a scolding voice.  (The kids continued to break up with laughter!)

I emphasized how important it was to do the same thing every time, and I began to laugh.

There was more:

I said, “If the puppy goes outside to poop or peep, that is very good.  Be sure to lift the puppy up to the poster, but instead of putting an X on the poster, this time put a big smiley face in the proper column.  Make sure the puppy sees the smiley face and you say, ‘You get a good report.’ Speak in a kind, affirming, and pleasing voice, ‘Yes, yes.  Good dog, good dog!’

The kids couldn’t believe what they were hearing.  They were laughing so hard they could barely stand.  I was also laughing so much it was difficult for to continue with the instructions.

When Rudy returned, he was brought on board with the steps that were to be followed.  He chuckled out loud every time he made a mark or drew a smiley face on the chart.

Everyone was serious about following the plan.

On the first day, X’s and smiley faces were added, with the puppy as an “eye-witness” to every smiley face and a nose-witness to every X.  Every poop and peep inside on the kitchen floor meant that a new X was added as the puppy looked at the chart.  The puppy was told, “You get a bad report. No, no, no, no.” Each time, they made sure that the puppy was looking directly at the chart.

Every poop or peep that was done in the yard meant that the puppy watched as a smiley face was added to the chart.  Each time, the puppy was told, “You get a good report.  Yes, yes.  Good dog, good dog!”

When their neighbors stopped by for a visit they were told about the pooping and peeping puppy process.  They were shown the kitchen floor, the chart on the wall, and the potty-trained puppy.

A neighbor said, “This is an amazing puppy!  Do you think he can actually learn how to read?”

I said, “No, I don’t think so.  We can’t get him to study his spelling words!”