Thank you for taking time to get acquainted with my imaginary friends. Beginning on June 8, through the first couple of weeks in September, we have interwoven the imaginary characters of Bubba; The One-arm Fiddler; The Man Who Had His Left Side Removed; and Tung-in-Cheek—The Ancient Chinese Biblical Scholar.

It was on June 8, that we introduced “ESOTERIC—known or understood by few—HUMOR.” (That be Bubba!)

If you wish to have a refresher course on Bubba, go to our Home Page and click on “Blog Themes,” then click on “Bubba (19)” and read our blog from bottom—up! You will find some gaps in dates on the listings of “Bubba (19)” because we interspersed the other imaginary characters.

Bubba has lived in my imagination for almost twenty years. Each time I take time to enter “Bubba’s World,” I learn interesting, imaginary facts.

This Tribute is timely as we close the segment on such a unique, dramatic, memorable, and lovable character as Bubba,  The Home-made Philosopher! (Knowing Bubba as I do, I imagine Bubba will stop by from time-to-time.)

A Tribute To Bubba

Bubba is glad to be alive, Bubba laughs at life.
Bubba is observant about all of life.
Bubba sees things differently, and appreciates differences in people.
Bubba has the heart of a child.
Bubba has a good blood line.
Bubba has more family trees than the normal person.
Bubba is a late bloomer; a slower dancer; a comer.
Once you know him, you can’t forget him.
You will like him a lot.
You are a lot like him.
The part of Bubba you like is probably the part of you others like.
We’ve all heard the beat of a distant drum. Bubba just may be the distant drummer!

(A true story that has been Bubbatized.)

When Bubba and Bubbette were outside one night with the children, Bubba shined a flashlight on the ground to make a small puddle of light in about a three-foot circle. He said, “Qumy, dance in the light!” She began to dance a wild dance, making sure to stay in the light as Bubba slowly moved it over the ground.

When he turned the light off she quit dancing. He turned it on again and Willie jumped into the light, and danced and danced. When Bubba cut off the light Willie quit dancing, and Candy jumped into the light when it shone on the ground again. She danced as the others had, while they looked on. No one would dance unless they were standing in the light!

Bubba would move the light and call a name, and that child would dance a wild jig in the light as long as it lasted, while the others waited and watched. Bubba and Bubbette were fascinated at seeing the children playing, and fascinated at the power of the light!

This was a magical evening with the children at play. It was just a little 99-cent flashlight which ended up lost, but it made a night to remember!

Shehasta (A true story that has been Bubbatized.)

Bubba had an old truck he named Shehasta because he said, “She-has-ta to pushed off every time she’s cranked.” He and Willie went to the hardware store for some whitewash for the barn.

As he turned off the road to the store there was a decline of about thirty feet leading to a parking space in front of the door. When Bubba applied the brake, there was nothing there. Nothing! The pedal went to the metal. Everything was in slow-motion. The short distance seemed to take an eternity. Bubba and Willie panicked because the glass front of the store was right ahead. They were dead-center of the building—headed for the front doors—with no brakes! Every time Bubba pumped the brake pedal the truck seemed to speed up. Before he could blow the horn, they crashed through the glass, knocking merchandise everywhere, and stopped beside the cash register. Broken glass flew in all directions. Although the threat of injury was frightening, fortunately no one was hurt.

Bubba just sat there, stunned and unable to speak. But not Willie, although he did sit there for about 30 seconds without moving. He studied their situation—and wanting to be fully present in every moment—stuck his head through his open window and asked, “Can we get a couple of gallons of whitewash for the barn?”

Bubba said, “Not now, Willie.”

Everyone but Willy was frozen in place. It took a few more seconds of silence before everybody started laughing at Willie’s question. Some-one handed Willie two gallons of whitewash and he said, “Thank you. As you can see, we now have a tab started here! Just put it on our bill and we will settle up later.”

The engine was still running and Bubba began to back out of the wreckage while others moved things out of his backward path. He had backed up the incline when a customer pulled in behind him. Without thinking, he bumped Shehasta out of gear while automatically putting his foot on the pedal, which again went all the way to the floor. Panic had a “Second Coming!” Here they went again, headed for the wrecked storefront. Suddenly, lightning was striking twice at the same hardware store!

Fortunately, the truck stopped short of entering the store again. Without batting an eye, Willie opened his door, stood on the running board of the truck and said, “If anybody calls here for us, tell them we are on our way. We’ll be there as soon as we can get up this hill and get headed in the right direction.” They just stood there as Bubba backed up one more time and drove away.

He drove home very carefully. Upon arrival he left her in gear and turned off the ignition, stopping two feet short of hitting the fence he was aiming for. He said, “Shehasta be pushed off to get her started, and now shehasta be stopped some way other than with the brakes.”

Willie said, “Daddy, next time, you probably ought-a let me drive!”

Bubba stopped by yesterday afternoon and brought some of Bubbett’s cookies because they knew Rosalie just had her second knee-replacement. Bubba said, “I bet you’re glad you only have two legs!”

He had the bill of his cap turned up in front and I’ve never seen Bubba look so sporty. The last time he visited he looked real cool with the bill of his cap turned backward. Bubba had his shirt buttoned because it was big enough to get both sides to meet across his belly.

Bubba told Rosalie that he doesn’t care if they never make another early morning he’s got to get up for! He was sorta thinking out loud when he said he wonders why the word, “monosyllable” has five syllables. He also wonders if vegetarians eat Animal Crackers.

Bubba spent quite awhile trying to convince me that steel wool comes from robotic sheep!

Our conversation was unusual, which was nothing new for Bubba. You never know what Bubba is going to say, and sometimes you don’t know exactly why he said something, or what he means. Bubba told us that his “pick-em-up-truck” is what he means when he refers to his “pick-em-up-truck.” There you go!

It was quite a morning—and the cookies were great!

WEATHERMAN:

Bubba says, “When someone STORMS in or out of a door, it shuts as if it was pushed by a MIGHTY WIND, slams like THUNDER, and makes a HAIL of a noise.”

Bubba said that he has come to a great decision: whether summer or winter, he had rather have fun than the flu.

Bubba said that it got so cold last winter it took two beagle hounds with a jumper cable to get a rabbit to run!

Bubba said when he touched his tongue to the frozen pump handle he had to do deep knee-bends every time somebody wanted water.

When Bubba was asked what is the first thing to do when your car gets flooded said, “Open all of the doors and let the water drain out.”

Bubba says, “If you work in the yard in the summer ’til you get over-heated and begin to smell the hair of the bear, that’s a sign that the bear has already started smelling you!”

WISDOM FIGURE:

Bubba said he never spent much time learning how to spell ’cause he’s afraid he might have one.

Bubba says that after age 40, the memory is the third thing to go. (He assumes that you already know what the first two are!)

If Bubba borrows money from you he promises that he will die owing you before he will beat you out of it.

Bubba says that “readin’ between the lines” is sayin’ something when you don’t know what you are sayin’, and others understanding it.”

Bubba says E.S.P. allows you to look ahead when you are behind.

Bubba says that you should never run when you can walk; never stand when you can sit; never sit when you can lie down, never lie down without going to sleep.

When Bubba gets ready to go, he says, “Let’s make like a tree and leave.” “Let’s put an egg in our shoe and beat it.” His kids wonder how he ever got to be so wise.

Bubba often says, “Don’t forget the most important thing I’ve told you today.” If you ask what did he tell you, he says, “If you can’t remember any better than that, ther’s no need to tell you again.”

Bubba Has Fun On Elevators. (Two true stories that have been Bubbatized.)

I was with Bubba the other day when we got on a semi-crowded elevator. While Bubba was standing near the front, a man entered who had B.O. There were several stops for people to get on and off, and the aroma was building with each stop. Someone near the back had been cooped up as long as they could stand it, and commented, “Whew! Someone’s deodorant is not working!”

The offender was standing directly in front of Bubba. Just for fun—and because he just thought of it—Bubba said, “Couldn’t be me ’cause I never use it!”
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Bubba and I entered an elevator in Minneapolis after 10:00 in the evening. An operator was required to manually run it by moving a handle back and forth to stop and start it on each floor. All went well if it was stopped at just the right spot. Otherwise, it was necessary to try several times back-and-forth for a final stop. But trying “several times” guaranteed the stop would not be smooth. The elevator was vintage and so was the older woman at the controls. It was late at night for a woman that old to be working, and she looked very tired!

Bubba was standing beside her. He was obviously less tired than she was. He thought he might give her something to laugh about so he said, “I bet you have a lots of ups and downs in your work, don’t you?” Without taking time to bat her eye she said, “Yes I do, but it’s the jerks that get me down!”

“Tou-che’ Bubba!”
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Some years ago Bubba and I went to the courthouse to renew car tags. We got on the elevator and it stopped at the next floor. A man entered and it was obvious that we would be going up about four floors. Bubba was feeling-like-fun and suddenly he asked the man if this was the elevator that fell the other day?

Usually, when he asks this question in a loaded elevator several people immediately reach for a place to hold on. But not this time—not on this elevator—not with this man! His reply was, “I think it is—and the strange thing is that it didn’t fall down, it fell UP!

Bubba’s lower jaw dropped about three floors! He had been HAD! The door opened and that man, who also loved to have fun on elevators, probably laughed longer than we did.
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Bubba told me about his most embarrassing moment on an elevator—or OFF! He entered a half-crowded elevator on the first floor and punched the button for the sixth floor. He began talking with someone who got off on the fifth floor—so Bubba got off with him. When he realized that he had made a dumb mistake, he was too embarrassed to get back on and let people know he had made a dumb mistake—so he walked up from there.
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Don’t you feel sorry for all of the poor souls who don’t have a “Bubba” in their lives? Without a “personal Bubba” we will never have it as good as an elevator has it—with our “ups-and-downs” about equal. Although, I will admit, one “Bubba” per “one of us” is probably about right!

The Dented Refrigerator (A true story that has been Bubbatized.) Note: When you tell a Bubba Story, tell it as if you got the story directly from Bubba.

Because their funds were limited, Bubba and Bubbette prayed for guidance before going shopping for a refrigerator for their new house. Bubba prayed, “O God, please direct us to a store where we can find a green, General Electric refrigerator with a freezer on top, and a dent near the upper back corner. Amen.” Bubbette said, “I’ve never heard you pray a prayer like that!” Bubba said, “We’ve never needed a refrigerator like that! Remember? The stovetop and oven are green and are made by G. E. The pantry wall extends out right beside where the refrigerator will sit. If we find one with a dent in the right place, it will not be noticeable. A good dent could save us 150 bucks, or more. She laughed and said, “Bubba, you’re something else!” Bubba said, “Yes, I know!

They shopped in the bargain stores first. Nothing! In the final store before closing time, Bubba spoke plainly to the salesman, “Do you have a green, G. E. refrigerator that is dented?” He answered, “Sir, I think we have one like that.” He showed it to them and said, “This is actually our deluxe model with a dent.” Bubba could barely contain his delight, and asked, “Does it have the little light that goes on and off when the door is opened and closed?” “Yes, here is the light that works when it’s plugged in to the wall.” “But where is the dent?” “Oh, it’s on the upper back corner.” Bubba said, “That’s the most beautiful dent I’ve ever seen!”

The man said, “We’ve reduced the price $265. and it’s guaranteed.” Bubba got a signal from Bubbette and said, “We’ll take it! Do you believe in answered prayer?” The guy chuckled and asked, “What do you mean?” Bubba said, “I’ll tell you sometime. Just write the ticket up as an answer to prayer! All the salesman knew for sure was that he was one of THREE happy people.

Through the years Bubba and Bubbette have enjoyed using the dented refrigerator and telling visitors the story, and showing-off their prized dent!

Twenty-five trouble-free, dented-refrigerator-years went by. Remodeling the kitchen meant that they needed a new refrigerator—a white one. They bought a white side-by-side just like they wanted. On the way home Bubbette said, “I really like our new refrigerator. I think it’s just the one we need. It has all of the features we want. I just wish it had not been so expensive. But you know, this is probably the last refrigerator we will buy before we die. Bubba, I had rather have this nicer style, and enjoy it, than to have the finest coffin you could buy for me.”

Bubba thought a minute and said, “You’re right! Think of it this way: Those things seal real well. You and I can be buried in each side. We can set up a little trust fund to hire someone to keep it plugged in so it will keep cooling throughout eternity.” Bubbette said, “We’ll be sure to put you on the freezer side, because where you are goin’ you’ll need to keep things as cold as possible!” Bubba blew the horn several times at no one in particular, just to augment their laughter. He said, “Now, we will have a new refrigerator story to tell people when they come to visit!”

Bubba and his family were shopping at JCP one evening. The kids and Bubba were wandering around together waiting for Bubbette to finish shopping. They ended up in the hardware department.

A woman walked up to Bubba, thinking he worked there, and asked where she could find a particular item. As he started to tell her he was not an employee, he felt his tube of Super Glue in his pocket. He was feeling playful, and because she looked like a warm and friendly person, he said, “I’m sorry, but we are out of stock on that item right now, but we have some on order. I do have something that may interest you,” and he brought forth his tube of Super Glue—without showing her the tube. “This product was developed in the U. S. Army. I think you will find it to be amazing. I will be happy to demonstrate, if you will hold out your finger.”

She obliged and he put a drop of Super Glue on the end and gently pressed her thumb against it.

He released her fingers and said, “Now see if you are not truly amazed!”

She exclaimed,”What is the matter with my fingers? They are stuck together and I can’t get them apart! You’ve stuck my fingers together! You’ve stuck my fingers toghether!”

Bubba said, “I can see that you are truly amazed! Let me show you a cleaver way to get your fingers unstuck. Just give them a little twist and they come apart with ease and comfort.” A great sense of relief came upon the woman—and Bubba—as her fingers came unstuck.

Even though Bubbette was not yet in sight, Bubba had a strong feeling it was time for him and the kids to move on to another department. He said, “If you decide you would like to buy some, check back with us. We always keep it in stock.”