(These One-Liners have been carefully selected from a list.)

1. Plan ahead: It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.
   
2. Nothing ruins the truth like stretching it.
3. Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.
4. Dry-mouth cannot tolerate water.
5. Anyone who angers you controls you.
6. Worry is a darkroom in which negatives can develop.
7. Don’t put a question mark where God puts a period.
8. Don’t wait for six strong men to take you to church.
9. A lots of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
10. When praying, don’t give God instructions—just report for duty.
11. Some people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position.
12. The church should be prayer-conditioned.
13. When God ordains, God sustains.
    

May 20 Continuing with “Spontaneous Humor ‘On-The-Go-Go-Go’ with “One-liners.”

They will be fun for you and your friend(s). You gain confidence when you can say, “HAVE HUMOR—WILL TRAVEL!”

Because one-liners are short and easy to remember you can punctuate situations with humor-on-the-go! Say them casually, as though you are not expecting a response. (Many chuckles come long afterward.)

There are only two types of people who use humor: Extroverts and Introverts.

Extroverts: Select a “one-liner” from the following and speak it to several persons each day until it flows naturally and you feel comfortable using it. Select another “one-liner” the next day. You—and the persons you speak them to—will enjoy your efforts.

Introverts: If you are uncomfortable in speaking aloud—in the beginning—say your selected “one-liner” over and over to yourself (instead of speaking it aloud) until you are ready to speak it. When you are ready, go for it! It will be lots of fun. (Repeat the discipline with another one-liner the next day.) One-liners are handy because they can be used “on the run.” It will be reassuring for you to have eight or ten on the “tip of your tongue”. Take your pick of any of these—or choose all of them to practice on successive days.

When you and a friend are about to part say, “Call me if you can help me.” Or, as you are walking away: “If you can do anything for me, give me a call!”

Variation: “I’ll be standing by if you can do anything for me!” Or as you begin walking away: “Don’t forget the most important thing I’ve told you today!” He or she will likely ask, “What was that?”

Smile, and say as you walk away: “You’ve already forgotten; no need to tell you again!” (This will usually prompt a parting laugh for each of you.)

When you enter where people are seated: Motion with your hand for them to stay seated, as you say, “That’s okay, don’t get up!” (Don’t laugh—it’s their time.)

When it is time for you to go, say, “I’m going to make like a tree, and leave.” Or “I’m going to put an egg in my shoe and beat it.”

In a lull of conversation at the table say, “There is one thing I’m not going to talk about today.” (Look away, allowing for silence.)

Wait for someone to ask something like this: “What are you not going to talk about?”

Again, “I’m not going to talk about it.”

(By then, they will likely have begun to catch your humor.)

Place you hand on a friend’s shoulder and say, “I have something on you I need to talk with you about!” “What is it?” “My hand!!!”

Here is an ice-beaker for when you are the speaker for a group you haven’t been with before:
“I’ve never seen you look better than you look today!”

Have fun with “nonsensical,” or “off-the-wall” comments or brief stories:

1. Here is my Definition of Love: “Love is a funny-looking thing shaped like a blossom; if you want your finger bitten, stick it to a possum. “
2. “A guy was walking down the street holding a banana up to his ear. Someone asked, ‘What are you doing with a banana in your ear?’ He said, ‘I can’t hear you, I have a banana in my ear!’”
3. Did you read the advertisement for a riding academy?

“We have all kinds of horses. For short people, we have short horses. For tall people, we have tall horses. For fat people, we have fat horses. For skinny people, we have skinny horses. For all who have never ridden a horse, We have horses that have never been ridden.”

“We are not renting horses, but I hope there will be something here for everyone.”

Want a “Humorous” Assignment?

Select a couple of these “one-liners” and be deliberate about working with them this week. Be aggressive and intentional. Your humor is important—to you—and to others! Work at it and have some fun! A strong beginning with One-liners” will provide you with personal satisfaction and eagerness to continue. Don’t neglect the One-liners!

When you have completed the assignment of using “One-liners” you may assume that you have made up your mind to be a humorous person. You have been working at it; therefore, you ARE a humorous person! Remember, humor is not something you do for others—you do it for yourself—and others will also benefit.

Being a humorous person is always a point of beginning; else we would become professional comedians. The assumption here is that we are all beginners—and we have the fun of learning about humor, by doing it.