I remember when I became an Actual Head. I was in a meeting where someone was giving info. about our denomination. When questions were called for someone asked, “Who is the actual head of the church?” The speaker’s answer was, “Well, there is no actual head.”

I thought, There is a position I can fill! Expediently, Immediately, I stepped forward within myself and volunteered to fill that vacancy. I have been the Actual Head since that meeting. The amount of work I do is equal to the amount of pay I receive, so no one seems to care that I am the Actual Head.

Except for this position I have been retired for ten years. Actually, (as you would expect me to say) I re-fired just after I retired. Retirement is the easiest job I’ve ever had (except being the Actual Head.) I quickly discovered that in retirement all electric clocks lose their power. We have nine grandchildren—from 13 to 22 years. (The two oldest are old enough to start giving gifts to us—we are standing-by for that to happen!)

Someone sent me this list that I think is “right on” for people like me who are retired and re-fired!  I selected no. 1-3, 5 and 6 to say to friends I meet during the day. (I also used them with people I didn’t know. They usually had a puzzled look as I walked away.)

1. Is it my imagination, or do Buffalo wings taste like chicken?
2. I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
3. I had amnesia once — or twice.
4. I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart. Now what?
5. Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
6. All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
7. If the world were a logical place, men would ride a horse sidesaddle.
8. What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
9. They told me I was gullible — and I believed them.
10. Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.
11. Two can live as cheaply as one — for half as long.
12. Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
13. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
14. One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.
15. When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.

1. She said she waited ‘til five days before her mother’s ninety-second birthday party to send out the invitations to see if she would still be sending them.
2. The pastor of a church in Sun City Center, Florida, said their organist is so old that they announce hymns one verse at a time, and then check to see if he’s still sitting there.
3. While I was being introduced to speak to a Senior Group in a retirement community a woman sitting on the row behind me leaned forward and said, “Do you see that man at the piano? He’s a preacher. He is 87. He plays the piano for an old folks home every Wednesday night. I am 82. I told him I want him to preside at my funeral when I die. He patted me on my hand and said, ‘My dear, don’t wait too long!’”
4. A friend said this is the best Senior Citizen joke, ever: A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, “Can you come over and help me? I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.” He asked her what it is supposed to be when finished. She said, “It is a beautiful rooster—and I love roosters.” He went over to help. She showed him the puzzle pieces spread out on the table. He studied the pieces for a moment and looked at the box. He said, “No matter what we do we are not going to assemble these pieces into anything that looks like a rooster. Let’s have a cup of tea, and then we can put all of the cornflakes back in the box.”

There is something wonderful about being Retired, and Refired! I’m both.

We have never had a dull day in retirement. Because I “Refired” I have a new sense of being “fired up.” It brings lots of energy for pursuing exciting goals that many others don’t have. Examples:

Understanding the Meaning of Love.

This is really a biggie! Everyone has been trying to come up with a definition of  love: poets, bards, politicians, hairdressers, philosophers, crooners, preachers, scholastics, humorists, pundits, and free-thinkers of every stripe.

Ever since I retired and refired, I have had lots of time and energy to devote to this question. Once and for all, here is my definition of love:

“Love is a funny lookin’ thing
Shaped like a blossom;
If you want your finger bitten,
Stick it to a possum.”

That says it all, doesn’t it?

While Rosalie was reading a pet magazine she spotted “The Pet’s Bill of Rights.” She began to laugh when she realized that these “rights” might also apply to people who are retired. Here is how she adapted to retired persons, the ten principles of “The Pet’s Bill of Rights” in bold below:

AS RETIRED PERSONS,

1. We have the right to be full members of your family. We thrive on social interaction, praise, and love.
2. We have the right to stimulation. We need new games, new toys, new experiences, and new smells to be happy.
3. We have the right to regular exercise. Without it, we could become hyper, sluggish . . . or fat.
4. We have the right to have fun. We enjoy acting like clowns now and then; don’t expect us to be predictable all of the time.
5. We have the right to quality health care. Please stay good friends with our vet.
6. We have the right to a good diet. Like some people, we don’t know what’s best for us. We depend on you.
7. We have the right to not feel rejected because of your expectations that we be great (. . .) watchdogs, hunters, or baby-sitters.
8. We have the right to receive proper training. Otherwise, our good relationships could be marred by confusion and strife–and we could become dangerous to ourselves and to others.
9. We have the right to guidance and correction based on understanding and compassion, rather than abuse.
10. We have the right to live with dignity . . . and to die with dignity when the time comes.

Rosalie feels that since these are good for dogs, they are good for us.