On July 27, I mentioned that I’m writing a New Dictionary of the English Language. This is my most exciting challenge, ever, because it will be

• Unabridged—No body has worked on this but me and I’ve not abridged it.
• Totally new—No one has ever written a dictionary like this one.
• Complete—The first seventy-two words are finished. 
• Non-classical—But classy.
• Alphabetical—To make it easy to find stuff.
• Sophisticated—Known only by people like you.
• Aromatic—We usually have to get down real close to read  a  dictionary, so it ought to smell good..

This will be a quality book—in fact, I am calling it a Revised Standard Version Dictionary of the English Language.

I’ve had books translated into other languages. If this one is to reach it’s ultimate potential of attacking the problem of illiteracy, worldwide, it must be translated into many languages beside REGULAR  and SOUTHERN.

Now, you see why I am so excited about being “Retired, and Refired.”

You have to be determined if you want to learn a new language—and enter a playful experiment. Review the 25 Southern dictionary words listed earlier and pick out four or five favorites to jot on a 3 X 5. Look over your list several times so you will have them in mind when talking with a Bud. Select a spot in your conversation when you can speak Southern to your friend. Just randomly pick a time to say, “Well, you know as they (or we) say in the South. . . “Bicuspid means having the ability to cuss in two languages—Regular and Southern.” (Or, pick any other listing you choose.)

That is a form of “double-speak!” (The conversation is going one way, and suddenly—just for fun—OUT OF THE BLUE you divert it to go a different way.) You may expect to get any number of replies from your friend . . . “Where did that come from?” A chuckle! Or a full-blown laugh, etc.

Be prepared to go again out of the blue with this: “One of my favorite Southern definitions is for the word Balance: “The ability to stand up when you need to.” (Be silent—and wait for the response!)

DO YOU GET THE IDEA? IT MAY NOT BE LONG BEFORE YOUR FRIEND LAUGHS HIS/HER WAY INTO SPEAKING THE LANGUAGE OF THE SOUTH!

Begin your playful experiment. As a bonus here are the next 10 dictionary words that you may also select from.

Eat up with (v) Totally beset with something. “You can be plumb eat up with jealousy.”

Enemee bag (n) A hot water bottle. What a rock-ribbed Southerner sounds like when saying “enema bag.”

Epilogue (n) Stuff left over from the main book.

Fixin’ (v) From the root word fix; to prepare; same as a-fixin’. (I’m a-fixin’ to go to town!) Translation: “I am doing whatever is necessary to get myself fully prepared to go into the city.”

Fixin’s (n) Mainly food stuffs, such as biscuits with sawmill gravy, cane surp, jelly, jam, and fig preserves, grits, butter, and real coffee, with real sugar and real cream.

Gall (n) 1. Substance contained in gallstones. 2. Grit. 3. Courage. “The old boy sure has a lota gall going to her house.” 4) (v) Rub the wrong way, only more so! “Don‘t that just gall you to find out he won all that money?” (It actually stirs something deep within, as deep as your gallstones or your gallbladder—if you still have either, or both.)

Gatekeeper (n) Usually assumed to be Gabriel—but don’t count on it!

Hillbilly (n) Male (-billy) or female (-billie), who grew up on land they claim is a mountain; they clog (dance) and sing indigenous songs; some go barefooted, but lots of us now have shoes. (adj) Having the qualities of a hillbilly.

Hog (n) 1) A four-legged barnyard animal written up several times in the Bible. 2) (v) To act in a greedy way. “Don’t hog the stage or someone will take you down!”

Hot dog (n) 1. A funny-looking food—that looks like it was put together by a committee—goes best with mustard, mayo, ketchup, onions, and hot stuff! They can be bought at county fairs, carnivals, and airports. 2. To behave impetuously: ”He’s always hot-dogging around town.” Myth: that you can eat a hot dog in a cold bun. When buns are steamed, hot dogs are about as good eatin’ as you can get, unless you go to a weddin’ reception where they have them little chicken wangs. 3) Home-made proverb: “A good hot dog in a steamed bun and the right stuff on it is as good as mother-love!”

If you are working on your Southern Language, you are probably ready to begin including Southern words in brief notes and short letters of correspondence. Have some fun with these ten additional words.

Coat of arms (n) [singular] Family pedigree hung on the wall; you don’t have to prove it, just hang it straight. [plural] When you have several dead relatives you can lie about. [ant.] Arms of coats (n) Holding coats for everybody as you say goodbye when it’s time for the comp’ny to leave.

Come and see (v) Show up and take a good look.

Company (n) [Comp’ny] 1. Guests and visitors, related or not related, same thing! 2. Comp’ny is one more than yourself. 3. Any group of people who get together and can remember their purpose.

Bicuspid (adj.) Having the ability to cuss in two languages, i.e. Regular and Southern.

Crab claws (n) The bid’ness end of a crab. Good eatin’, too, if they’re fixed right.

Crotchety (adj) Having the attitude of a human crab, leading naturally to being fidgety and making others fidgety. The condition can’t be alleviated by talcum power because being crotchety tends to run deeper.

De-fang (v) 1. To take out the scary part, as in “de-fang” the situation by using humor. 2. An old-fashioned tooth pullin’.

Dose (n) 1) A measured amount of a thing you take as a cure or as punishment. 2) A measured amount of “feel good.” (If you have ever taken a dose of castor oil you know what dose means. If you haven’t, take some and you will be able to explain it for the rest of your life.)

Double-dog dare (n) A ser’ous challenge. (v) How a country boy challenges someone to do something that is probably foolish.

Double first name (n) The given appellation of a Southern person, either child or adult, comprised of two names commonly considered single, e.g. Arthur Price, Mary Evelyn (pronounced Mae Revlun) Donald Albert, Willie Hazel, (probably turned out to be a boyish-girl), Ola Perl, Okemah Lee, Ina Christine, Earl Junior (without an Earl Senior), James Harvey, Linda Beatrice (Bee-at-tris).

Drop in a dictionary word at the end of your note to a friend: Example: “As we say in the South . . .” (List any dictionary word you choose—with no other comment.)

If you are not a Southerner, that’s even better. In the line above change “we” to “they.” Your friend may wonder where YOU learned to speak Southern!

Body-part sleep (n) The state of repose when one body-part is in deeper repose than the rest of the body. Example: I rolled over on one of my arms and went soundly to sleep. In about 27 minutes, that arm was in body-part sleep.

Cantilever position (n) An architectural term which also describes a popular, but painful, body-part sleep position where the arm is extended off the bed at a right angle—which can eventually cause the arm to break off and fall tingling to the floor.

Carpet fuzz (n) Fibers of carpet that stuck to my loose dental cap when I put too much Super Glue on it, and dropped it on the carpet; comes in various colors, according to the carpet it lands on.

Celebrity (n) 1) Any famous person you know, but who doesn’t know you; 2) Any person who can climb high enough to get on a pedestal and not fall off. (Celebrities are usually people who are not normal.)

Centennial pronouncement (n) Something that is said only once every one hundred years, whether it needs to be said or not.

You’ve been introduced to 15 Southern words—enough for you to begin LISTENING for other “bi-lingual” people who speak Southern. Keep LISTENING—you will feel warm all over when you “hear” another Southern-sounding person speaking in her/his favorite language.

Being born and bred in the South is a total advantage. The people here tend to be friendly, the pace is slow, the weather is good, prices are cheap, some of the girls are prettier, and our Southern language is easier to speak. Almost everyone who has lived in the South very long is bilingual: They speak Regular and Southern. (Some among us are also bicuspid—can cuss in both languages.) Those who immigrate to the South can learn the language, but it takes passion and experience to have just the right feel for it.

Most words used around here are common English, but a few are special enough to be spoken Southern. Lots of people think “Ya’ll” is the only truly Southern word. Not so! I am writing a Southern Dictionary. (Do you know anyone else who is writing a dictionary?) Here are words and definitions from my seventy-three-word “Revised Standard Version Dictionary of the English Language.” I used forty-four of these words in a recent book. With so few words remaining, my next book may have to be a book of Short Stories.

Other than “Ya’ll” here are four additional words and definitions for everyone who wants to become bilingual: Heah and Ther (adverbs) Southern words for denoting separate locations. (Heah is opposite to Ther.) “You can’t get ther from heah.” “It’s neither heah nor ther!” Heah is dog language for “come ‘ere Spot.”

Brang (verb) means Bring.
Yonder (adj.) A good distance away.

Let’s try a sentence translated into Southern: “Ya’ll go over yonder and brang the dog that’s over thar over heah!

If you are not from the South your friends will think you are a linguist if you teach them these words and meanings. If you are from the South friends will recognize you as “a Country boy.” Either way, YOU’R O.K.!